Reality Check

In case you are unsure, 26.2 miles is really far. The 20 mile run we did this morning has cemented that in my mind.

Today was our "Nike Preview Course" run in San Francisco and we met up with four other TNT teams from around the bay. It was dark and drizzling when I got to Golden Gate Park but I was still looking forward to this run. I must say, I really hate the alarm clock going off early in the morning, but I do like being awake and out at that hour when it's quiet and not quite light out. It's very mysterious and peaceful.

My group set out at 7:00, running along Ocean Beach past the Cliff House and through Lands End. I was trying to focus on setting a pace I could maintain for 20 miles but without any mile markers, it's difficult to know if you're on target. It wasn't long before I found myself falling into pace with two other women, Erin and Liz and I was happy to have some people to chat with. We made our way through Sea Cliff and into the Presidio before turning around and heading back toward the Cliff House. One of my favorite things about being in San Francisco is turning a corner on some random street and seeing the Golden Gate Bridge suddenly appear. It doesn't matter how many times I see this, I always find it surprising and amazing. On this particular morning, the bridge was a big burst of reddish-orange popping off the grey sky behind it. Remarkable.

So, back down toward the Cliff House and then through Golden Gate Park for a while. Eventually I got to the water station at Mile 8 and wondered if Liz and Erin had had enough of me yet. Worried they might think I'm a crazy stalker, I decided to head out on my own and soon met up with another woman, Harini. Turns out she's on my TNT Bayside Team but, like me, hasn't made it to very many trainings with the group. We settled into a nice pace together and made our way out of the park and onto the Great Highway going south. The next two miles were grim with the wind blowing against our faces and the rain falling a little harder. I was starting to get a cold and was wishing for just another 2-degrees of warmth or so.

We stopped for water at Mile 10 and were rejoined with Liz and Erin. The four of us set off to finish the second half of our run and I got to really appreciate having these women around me. We started to make our way around Lake Merced and it seemed absolutely inconceivable that we had to go all the way around this lake and back down to Golden Gate Park. I much prefer a course where I can't see the distance in front of me. To be able to look clear across the lake and know I had to get all the way around it was a depressing thought to me. But not wanting to be the one to bring down the group, I pressed on trying to act positive.

By the time I was halfway around, I started to experience a new pain in my left knee. This was really troubling because I wasn't sure if it was going to prevent me from finishing and it was really important to me mentally to finish today. I stopped at the water station and somebody asked what mile we were at. The volunteer said she wasn't exactly sure but thought it was 15 3/4. Fantastic news, right? Only four miles to go and anybody can run four miles. Four miles is easy. I started talking to myself, "You are strong. You are strong. You are strong." I thought about my friends with cancer and focused on the reason I am doing this run. I remembered the pain and struggling that my friends have gone through and I pressed on even further. I tried to think of new moves I could try on the soccer field. I sang "You'll Never Walk Alone" to myself about a dozen times and tried to imagine what it must feel like to walk through the tunnel at Anfield to a whole crowd singing to you. I looked out across Lake Merced and saw a bunch of people rowing and thought "at least this is easier than rowing" (but only just.)

I finally made it to the water stop at the end of Lake Merced and squatted down to pee in the bushes. I can't tell you what it feels like to bend your legs after running for so long. It's like the satisfaction you get from scratching poison oak. It's hurts so bad but ooooo, doesn't it feel good too? Then somebody asked what mile we were at and the volunteer replied "Mile 16. Only four miles to go!!" What?? This can't be. We had only four miles to go two miles ago. By then, my legs were screaming at me and I was beginning to wonder if walking might be faster than the pace I was running.

Finally back on the Great Highway and if I looked as far as I could see, there was the finish line. If I could just concentrate on being strong and not think about that pain in my knee I would be to the finish in no time. But everything was hurting now and I felt like the finish line couldn't come quick enough. As I approached the final drink station, I decided to run past it, worried that if I stopped I wouldn't be able to start again. As I ran by, the volunteer shouted "Won't be long now! Only 2 miles left!!" WHAT??? How could it possibly be another two miles when I had been running all day?? "Strong. Strong. Strong. Pain. No. Strong. Walk on. Walk on. With hope in your pain. No heart. 2 miles. 2 miles. 2 miles." By then I had lost the other three women and was just looking ahead, trying to soften my shoulders and find a spring in my step. Just then some guy started running along me for about 100 yards or so. He's a former TNT runner and had just finished swimming from SF to Marin under the Golden Gate Bridge. He still had wax on his arms. And that 100 yard distraction was just enough to get me to the Beach Chalet and back into the park to the finish line. And there was my mentor, Sarah, smiling and clapping for me.

There is some speculation that the course might have actually been 21 miles which I'm hoping is true. It gives me a little more hope that I might pull off 5 hours on race day. But seeing as how it took me 4:34:37, I'm thinking I should reset my expectations.